3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
