That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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