I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
