the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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