Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
