pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
