its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
