She said her name was "party"
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
