Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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