I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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