You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Fuck appropriateness.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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