i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she smelled like a LAN party
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I wear drunk well.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
