absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize