3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
