she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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