it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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