If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
