Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
