She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
