Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize