Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
