I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
