is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize