so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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