I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
