Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize