hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
