He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
