I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
