i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
