Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
