do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
