Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
