Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
