I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
