I puked a lego.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
