I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
