im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Damn victory sex feels great
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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