We named our party play list daddy issues
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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