Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Randomize
