i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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