Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
