Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
