I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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