I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
why do cheetos always look like penises
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
