I'm laying in your front yard are you home
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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