rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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