I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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