I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
