The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
