and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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