im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
