I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
