I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
