He is an equal opportunity slut.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
