ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
