Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
