I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
