So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
