The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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