just come out here and I will go home with you...
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize