I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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