dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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