You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
