so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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