perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
