Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Fuck appropriateness.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
