put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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