I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
