I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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