make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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