Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
