It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize