You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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