we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
