"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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