He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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