what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
