Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
