dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
